Burn Rate

Key idea 1

Invincibility

Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago, Andy Dunn was surrounded by a multitude of doctors, with his family boasting oncologists, surgeons, physical therapists, and even mental health professionals on both his Indian mother’s and American father’s sides. Alongside his sister Monica, Andy experienced a childhood that seemed invincible, and his intelligence, evident when he skipped third grade, made him feel exceptional.

However, adolescence proved challenging for Andy, particularly as a mixed-race kid in a class of 16- and 17-year-olds at the age of 14. Enduring taunts like “windu” (white Hindu), he coped by suppressing the hurt and anger associated with feeling different. At this point, vulnerability was seen as an adversary, a realization that would take years to evolve. Despite these challenges, Andy’s focus persisted through his teenage years.

The turning point came when a classmate’s tales of a skiing vacation ignited a fascination with the entrepreneurial world beyond the medical realm of his family. Andy, perceiving himself as “gifted” and recognizing entrepreneurial potential, developed a sense of self-importance that would play a significant role in shaping his psyche.

Entering college at Northwestern, Andy embraced fraternity life, enjoying various privileges facilitated by well-connected friends. Securing internships, working diligently, and indulging in a blend of hard work and play, he explored psychedelic drugs and developed a deep connection with a girl named Camila. At this juncture, everything in Andy’s life felt exceptionally positive; he felt a sense of greatness.

Key idea 2

Andy’s ghost

Picture yourself at the age of 20, immersed in a whirlwind of parties, drinking, drug use, and the throes of love. It’s only natural to feel a bit restless and exhilarated, and who needs sleep when you’re overflowing with energy? In such a vibrant lifestyle, how would anyone, including yourself, discern if something is genuinely amiss?

Before experiencing full-blown mania, there exists a preliminary phase known as hypomania. During this state, you feel invincible, capable of anything. Energized, confident, exceptionally talkative, and perpetually alert, a storm of thoughts propels you into a realm where creativity and productivity thrive. It’s an amplified experience of reality, albeit still grounded in the real world. However, you stand on the precipice of transitioning into full-fledged mania.

Mania involves constructing your own reality, with no filter between internal thoughts and spoken words. Every idea is shared indiscriminately, with no concept of strangers. In this state, you perceive yourself as the sane one, enlightened, while everyone else needs awakening. Nothing is coincidental; everything is a sign. The hyperactive mind becomes detached from the body, enabling days without sleep, food, or even drink.

Andy, in the midst of such a manic episode, suddenly believes he’s not just gifted but is the gift itself, destined to become the president. Overflowing with gratitude, he makes plans at 2:00 a.m., visiting a 24-hour Burger King to share his mission with customers and explaining to a friend, in the daytime, that he’s been conversing with birds. His girlfriend, Camila, takes on divine significance, and their child is envisioned as the Messiah.

As the episode unfolds, Andy’s parents intervene, finding him wandering around naked at home and delivering impassioned lectures about forgiveness, the evils of drugs, and colonialism. Eventually, three doctor relatives take him to the hospital, where he is administered medication, leading to extended periods of sleep. Initially, being in the hospital feels like an adventure, with Andy bonding with fellow patients. However, as the effects of medication and sleep accumulate, he gradually regains his true self, becoming increasingly eager to leave the hospital.

Key idea 3

Denial

Upon receiving a diagnosis from the doctor, Andy learns he may have bipolar disorder, type I – a condition marked by intense mood swings, encompassing emotional highs and lows, and complete manic episodes. The doctor suggests that if Andy remains stable for the next five years, it could potentially be a one-time occurrence, perhaps triggered by the drugs he was using or even his acne medication.

Andy and his family, consisting of medical professionals, clung to the hope that it might be a singular event.

Within ten days, Andy returns to college, and although people are aware of what transpired, a collective silence envelopes the issue. No one discusses it, and everyone, including Andy, pretends as if it never occurred. Andy didn’t deliberately avoid confronting his diagnosis; rather, he was uncertain about how to address it. The mere thought of it was too shameful and terrifying for him to hold in his mind for more than a fleeting moment.

Nevertheless, like a haunting ghost, the diagnosis lingers, casting its shadow over Andy for years to come.

Key idea 4

Ambition

Andy proceeded as though the previous events hadn’t occurred. After spending a couple of years in private equity, he enrolled at Stanford Graduate School of Business, an environment that fosters boundless possibilities and encourages ambitious dreams. It was there that he crossed paths with Brian Spaly, a self-assured and ambitious young entrepreneur fixated on a specific niche: pants.

While Andy didn’t possess a particular obsession, he toyed with ideas such as launching a falafel chain, importing Guatemalan rum, or carving a niche in South African cured meat. None of these concepts gained traction, but Spaly’s idea did.

The focus of Spaly’s idea centered on two aspects of pants. Firstly, the fit – outside of jeans, men’s pants lacked a variety of fits. Secondly, the retail experience – young men were averse to traditional shopping. Spaly’s straightforward concept involved offering superior fits for chinos and wool pants and selling them directly online during the early stages of online retail.

To brand the company, Spaly coined the name Bonobos, inspired by the peaceful and sex-loving apes. Intrigued by the concept, Andy decided to actively engage and participate in the venture.

Key idea 5

Chutzpah

The two young entrepreneurs entered an unexpected agreement because Spaly expressed a desire to return to working in private equity for a period. In this arrangement, Andy would take on the roles of CEO and co-founder of Bonobos, with Spaly contributing during evenings and weekends.

Unaware of Andy’s internal struggles, Spaly perceived his friend as a determined and hardworking young entrepreneur, trusting him to successfully establish and operate the company. In this regard, Spaly’s judgment was, for the most part, accurate.

Following an initial round of investment, they established Bonobos in New York City, initially operating from Andy’s rented apartment, which doubled as a storage space for stacks of pants. Despite Andy accumulating a debt of $150,000 and lacking trust-fund privileges, he embraced the lifestyle expected of a flamboyant young entrepreneur, indulging in cocktails, club scenes, and socializing with women. In the vibrant atmosphere of New York, characterized by audacity, Andy seamlessly blended in.

Bonobos garnered positive press, and sales experienced growth, positioning Andy as a determined individual on a mission. However, questions arose: Was he on the verge of achieving greatness? Was he reshaping the future of retail? Or, was the potential onset of hypomania a factor?

Hypomania is akin to a superpower that has the potential to magnify one’s capabilities and enable extraordinary achievements. Yet, if left untreated, it can spiral out of control and have detrimental effects on one’s life

Key idea 6

Up and down

In the early days in New York City, Andy teetered on the brink of mania, but his sister, Monica, intervened to prevent it. Although Andy’s family never openly discussed his diagnosis, they began monitoring him more closely in an effort to avert a recurrence. Monica, attuned to the signs of elevated mood and grandiosity, ensured that Andy received adequate sleep to break the dizzying upward spiral.

However, bipolar disorder isn’t solely characterized by highs. Despite Bonobos experiencing success and Spaly returning full time, tension arose between him and Andy. They clashed over various aspects, from payroll and inventory to overall strategy. Andy became fixated on the belief that Spaly was detrimental to the business and sought confirmation from others to validate his feelings.

As the external relationship with Spaly deteriorated, Andy’s internal mental state followed suit. This time, his mood was descending, not ascending. The lowest point was reached on a flight to Vegas when a troubling thought crossed Andy’s mind – he wished for the plane to crash.

During acute depression, suicidal thoughts emerge not from a desire to die but to escape the overwhelming darkness – to cease living like the living dead. Andy spent days in bed, sometimes sleeping through daylight hours, lacking the motivation to face the world. To compensate, he would occasionally experience a hypomanic Saturday night out in the city. Unable to reach the vibrant energy and charisma he was known for, he turned to drinking. This intertwining of mental illness and substance abuse created a challenging cycle to break.

Masterful at concealing his inner turmoil since school, Andy developed tactics to mask his depression and project an image of well-being. He avoided reflecting on his mental state, unwilling to acknowledge that admitting depression might also mean accepting the potential return of mania at any moment – a reality he wasn’t prepared to confront.

Key idea 7

Momentum

People commonly perceive bipolar disorder swings as sudden, characterized by abrupt shifts from high to low. However, it more closely resembles a sine curve gradually unfolding in cycles, where one can experience the same emotional state for weeks before a sudden flip occurs.

In Andy’s case, depressive episodes alternated with periods of elation, yet he hadn’t experienced another fully manic episode since college. He clung to the belief that his college episode was a singular event, attributing his current depression to the stresses of his job. Distinguishing between illness and the challenges of life became a complex task.

Despite these challenges, Andy persisted, directing his focus towards Spaly as the root of his problems. Eventually, Andy requested Spaly to step aside, and surprisingly, his co-founder acquiesced. This decision propelled Andy to new heights, fueled by hypomanic energy. The emotional rollercoaster of fundraising worked as a kind of antidepressant, enabling him to persevere even in seemingly insurmountable situations.

When the company faced imminent financial ruin, Andy’s brashness and energy, amplified by his elevated mood, played a crucial role in securing funding. In a pivotal encounter with a potential investor, faced with a declined company credit card at a car rental service, Andy paid for the car himself, attended the meeting, and successfully secured $300,000, saving the company.

The positive trajectory continued as Bonobos secured venture capital funding for the first time, signaling a turning point for the company.

Key idea 8

Reflection

The prospects for Bonobos seemed optimistic, but steering a company under the scrutiny of venture capitalists posed challenges. Additionally, Andy’s leadership approach, marked by instilling fear among employees, faced criticism. A noticeable pattern emerged as he enthusiastically onboarded new senior hires only to dismiss them within a year.

Despite these challenges, Andy persisted in his tireless efforts. The company surged ahead with innovative initiatives, deviating from its initial online-only model to open physical stores, allowing customers to try on pants for home delivery. Andy explored numerous ideas, including a tech product to aid other online vendors, akin to what Shopify would later do.

Hiring his college friend Bryan Wolff as CFO to make the company profitable, Andy faced a reality check when Wolff advised a swift change in strategy to curb financial losses. Subsequently, Wolff departed as well.

Driven by relentless energy, Andy reached a moment of self-reflection, recognizing a common thread in all his professional challenges – himself. This realization prompted him, for the first time in nine years since his diagnosis, to seek therapy and medication in a desperate attempt to find a cure. However, the experience left him feeling as if there was no remedy, deepening his despair.

Andy found himself surrounded by two groups of people – those aware of his college manic episode but reluctant to discuss it, and those oblivious to it. In either scenario, he carried the burden of his ghost alone, fostering internal pain. Attempts to share his struggle were met with a poignant lack of reaction and awkward silence, further rendering his pain unspeakable.

Key idea 9

The ghost returns

The period of low emotions concludes when Andy enters a relationship with Manuela, a beautiful, intelligent, and grounded woman whom he falls in love with immediately. However, the intensity of emotions that accompanies falling in love can be risky for someone with bipolar disorder.

During another flight to Vegas, Andy becomes convinced that the plane is destined to crash. Despite this certainty, the flight doesn’t crash, and he interprets this as a sign of being saved, reborn, and even viewing himself as God. To keep this revelation a secret and avoid being locked up, he refrains from speaking but sends a series of bizarre and messianic tweets.

In Las Vegas, Andy roams the streets and believes homeless people are not real but rather angels warning against materialism. He gives a speech at a conference, thinking it went well, although the feedback he receives is cryptic. Attempting to give away his Rolex in a restaurant, he decides to go vegan but immediately consumes a cheeseburger. In his altered state, he believes he resolves the Israeli–Palestinian conflict effortlessly.

Finding his way back to his family home in Chicago, Andy is coaxed into eating and taking a sleeping pill. However, he starts suspecting that his family is trying to harm him, illustrating the heartbreaking aspect of those who wish to help becoming perceived as enemies by a manic mind. Eventually, he takes the pill, sleeps for hours, and begins to come down, but it will take days before he fully returns to his usual self. During this time, he believes he’s communicating with Manuela telepathically, proposes to her mentally, changes his Facebook status to “engaged,” and receives numerous congratulations, only to attribute it to pressing the wrong button when Manuela calls, still baffled.

Key idea 10

Darkness

Following that episode, Andy recognized the need to regain control and made the decision to resign from his position. He identified a new CEO for Bonobos and transitioned into a role as the board chairman. During a trip to China with Manuela, where she had business matters to attend to, Andy experienced one of his lowest mood states. Struggling to function, he found it challenging to muster the energy to leave the bed, even for basic needs. However, this rock-bottom moment became a pivotal opportunity for Andy to open up to Manuela. She attentively listened, provided compassion and support, and remained by his side.

The onset of a fresh wave of depression, occurring shortly after stepping down as CEO, led Andy to realize that attributing his emotional struggles to his job was a mistake. Understanding that he would continue to experience highs and lows regardless of his professional role, he acknowledged that his job had, in fact, served as a form of antidepressant. Without it, he lacked a motivating reason to get out of bed. Simultaneously, hearing about Bonobos facing challenges reignited Andy’s zest for life. Motivated by this spark, he made the decision to return as the CEO of the company.

Key idea 11

Howling at the moon

Back in the United States, Andy experiences a surge in energy. Initially, things go well as he applies lessons learned from Bonobos’ past mistakes and prioritizes profitability. The primary goal is to either sell the company or take it public, aligning with the classic startup objective.

His relationship with Manuela is thriving, and he secretly makes a down payment on an engagement ring, marking an exciting development. Another source of excitement is watching “Hamilton,” a theatrical production depicting America’s founding history. Andy particularly resonates with the character of George Washington, and grandiose thoughts about his own significance signal the onset of an upward spiral towards mania.

At a friend’s birthday party in Brooklyn, where the door code is 1225, reminiscent of Jesus’ birthday, Andy begins associating his own initials, A.D., with a divine connection. Despite not fully succumbing to mania, he declares himself vegan and eats a cheeseburger. When a man named Colt arrives, Andy, interpreting the name as a sign of possessing a gun, instructs Manuela to hide.

The situation escalates as Andy converses with a black cat, prompting Manuela to call her mom for assistance. As her mom arrives, Andy exhibits erratic behavior, including howling at the moon and suddenly needing to urinate. The situation takes a dark turn as blood appears on his face, accompanied by expressions of anger and pain. In a surreal sequence, he pulls a radiator off the wall while naked and insists on reciting “Hamilton” in its entirety, leaving everyone bewildered and questioning the unfolding events.

Key idea 12

Honesty

Andy is admitted to Bellevue Hospital, and it takes several days for him to stabilize. During this period, Manuela is allowed to visit, and they engage in activities like playing cards. Andy notices bruising around Manuela’s eye, feeling a profound sense of shame. Despite his remorse, Manuela reassures him that it didn’t hurt.

Upon release from Bellevue, Andy faces legal consequences. He is arrested for misdemeanor assault and felony assault of a senior citizen, as he had not only assaulted Manuela but also pushed and kicked her mother. Despite having privileges such as an expensive lawyer, a supportive family, and a partner willing to drop charges, Andy experiences challenges within a system that often fails to distinguish between criminals and individuals with mental illness.

Andy is taken to prison immediately after a mental health emergency, and he is prohibited from seeing Manuela. The ordeal highlights the system’s struggle to address mental health issues adequately. Eventually stabilized, Andy is released from the police station. Having faced hospitalization and incarceration, addressing his mental illness becomes a more manageable challenge for Andy.

After 16 years of denial, he decides to openly confront his bipolar disorder. He discloses his condition to everyone at work, receiving understanding from the board, and the team collaborates with the goal of selling the company. Walmart expresses interest in the business.

Crucially, Manuela chooses to stay with Andy, and her mother forgives him, drawing parallels between his condition and diabetes. They advocate for addressing mental illness openly and compassionately. Andy seeks the help of a new psychiatrist, Dr. Z, who prescribes a suitable combination of medication to manage both mania and depression without dulling his emotions.

Andy and Manuela attend relationship therapy to navigate the challenges and rebuild their relationship. Despite moments of feeling awful, particularly due to the shame of his actions, Andy finds solace in the love of Manuela. Through the spectrum of emotions, he learns to cope with the support of his treatment and loved ones.

Key idea 13

Duty

Despite undergoing consistent therapy and maintaining a balanced medication routine, the absence of sleep can lead to a rapid downturn in well-being. Andy, thrilled about his engagement to Manuela, had already forgone a night of sleep when his parents paid a visit. While out shopping, he suddenly lost focus, abruptly distancing himself from his mother and sprinting down the street. His father intervened and caught him, prompting the acknowledgment that this was a psychiatric emergency. Dr. Z took charge of Andy’s treatment and decided to permanently increase his medication dosage.

Shortly thereafter, the Walmart deal was finalized, with Bonobos selling for $310 million. Andy had achieved success, but the question lingered: could he have succeeded without grappling with bipolar disorder? That remains uncertain. Over time, Andy has come to realize that mental illness shouldn’t be stigmatized or denied, as he once did in his earlier years, nor should it be celebrated. It is simply an illness that requires treatment through therapy, medication, regular check-ins, and transparency.

Fast forward three years, and Andy and Manuela find themselves back in the hospital for a different reason—Manuela is giving birth to Isaiah. As Andy cradles his child, he experiences a renewed surge of emotion, feeling intensely protective and resilient. Despite the lingering presence of his past struggles, he is determined not to let them affect him, especially for the sake of Isaiah. Recognizing it as his duty, Andy is confident in his ability to navigate fatherhood, knowing he can overcome the challenges for the well-being of his son.

Final summary

The most important takeaway from all this is:

For 16 years, Andy Dunn chose to largely ignore the presence of his bipolar disorder, despite frequently experiencing bouts of hypomania and depression. During this period, he successfully established the menswear startup Bonobos and found love with Manuela. However, his condition almost led to the loss of everything. After facing severe episodes of mania, Andy has since committed to prioritizing his mental health. Through a deeper understanding of his illness, coupled with therapy and medication, he continues to navigate and manage his condition on a day-to-day basis.

Here’s some additional practical advice:

Refer to mental illness as what it truly is—an illness. It’s common to perceive mental health as distinct from physical health, even though they may manifest differently. Nevertheless, they are essentially the same. When Manuela’s mother forgave Andy, she likened his mental illness to diabetes—a condition that can be treated and lived with. This perspective is crucial. Referring to someone as “being bipolar” instead of “having bipolar disorder” is akin to saying someone “is cancer” rather than “has cancer.” To combat the stigma associated with mental health conditions, consider viewing them as you would any other type of illness.